The ’beautiful game’ is seductive. Your early experiences were casual and carefree. Your family’s involvement was modest and simply represented a leisure time activity. But the insidious grasp of soccer knows no bounds. The addiction, although not necessarily dangerous, can be inevitable.
Herewith as a public service to our membership, the SPFSA provides some warning signs that could suggest that soccer has become just a tad too influential in your household. You know that soccer has taken over your life when...
... you refer to your children at your high school reunion as, "a U-13 boy and a U-10 girl, playing up."
... you threaten to withhold payment from your lawn service until they begin calling your back yard, "the pitch."
... you correctly understand that the rule prohibiting coaching from the sidelines only applies to the other team’s parents.
... you make absolutely certain that your children celebrate all major holidays with their beloved grandparents, unfortunately it is at various tournaments, in various locales and in all weather conditions.
... you have gained the innate ability to be better positioned to call offside than any linesperson you have ever encountered.
... you are on a first-name basis with military personnel at the Fort Dix security gate, and they agree, you were screwed by the referee in the last tournament.
... you still can’t believe that "Bend It Like Beckham" was snubbed by the Oscars.
... you have three identical subscriptions to the Eurosport Catalog because things do get lost in the mail.
... you overhear another parent talking about OCD and you suspect that they’re jumping to a new premier club that is being formed.
... you write to adidas suggesting that they add business suits to their line of apparel, but admit that you don’t know where the logo would look best.
... you recall that you used to go to church on Sunday, but just can’t remember where.
... you are possibly willing to consider that you should not have asked your child’s teacher, "to ease up on the homework ’cause it’s really messing up soccer," but only if she’ll acknowledge that you did so politely.
... you think that your family enjoys dinner-time more when you do your impersonation of the guys who do the English Premier League highlights.
... Fox Soccer Channel is programmed as a ’favorite’ on all of your remotes, including for the television in your master bedroom.
... you have your GPS specially programmed to show where the nearest Starbuck’s is to every school, park and field in the tri-state area.
... you are toying with the idea of tapping into the under-served market of personal training for pre-K players as part of an overall career change.
... you are happy to drive 45 minutes three times a week to your child’s training sessions, but find an endless supply of excuses why you can’t run out for milk at the Quick Chek down the street.